A New Year and a New Start

I was planning on doing some posts rounding up 2014 but then I realised it's been it's gone, it's time to move on. I am determined that 2015 will be a good year and I don't want to keep focusing on the past or even too much into the future. 

I have lots of plans and ideas on what I want to do this year but the main one is I want to get healthy. I don't just mean lose weight - although seriously after Christmas who doesn't want to. I want to get in a healthy frame of mind.

How do I plan to do this

1. Be more grateful - I read the below on Pinterest and it really struck a nerve.

I have bought a page a day diary and plan to use it as a gratitude journal. I also plan to use happier to save photos and quotes.

2. To practice being mindful everyday. I have several books and also downloaded headspace so no excuses.

3. To look after my physical well being - eating well and getting plenty of sleep - boring I know but they make such a difference.

I would also like to get in a better financial position but I say that every year.

What are your goals and aims for 2015?

A Happy Ending?

Well this is going to be a bit of a different post for me, sort of a random ramble based on something that I have been thinking about this week - is all we want is a happy ending?

I am not ashamed to admit it, although maybe I should that I am a hopeless romantic. I love reading Mills and Boon and watching chick flicks. Now sometimes I question why I read them, I know it's not how real life works. I know that I am not going to be swept off my feet by a knight (billionaire) in shinning armor (Giorgio Armani) who has a tonne of staff. I have a boyfriend who I know loves me, ok he doesn't say heart melting things to me daily or shower me with Chanel, but a girl can dram right.

Sometimes I find it quite depressing and ask myself why isn't my life like that. Our these books giving us unrealistic expectations of relationships and life in general. Shouldn't I read something more realistic and more empowering. Yet my iPad mini is full of romantic tales that I consume at an alarming rate.

I was even toying with the idea of writing one, I have read so many I know the drill. A young (they are usually fresh out of college) female meets and falls in love with a drop dead gorgeous man. As soon as they realise this another event tears them apart, there is then a period where she can't eat, sleep or function without the love of their life. But alas they end up happily together, after she finds out that he is filthy rich and amazing in bed.

I was trying to think of twists, what if she wasn't young and single, what if he wasn't a CEO but a bin man, and most shockingly what if they didn't end up together.

Alas I never started it but then I read a book which I can't stop thinking about. I won't say what it is because it will totally ruin it, but it had the most heart breaking ending. I literally couldn't read through the tears, not only did they not end up together but it finished with the devastatingly young couple discovering that not only could they not be together but that love is a myth and that they will never fall in love again.

Now I am not saying that this is more realistic as there was some very dubious plot twists but my God it haunted me for days. I couldn't stop thinking if the couple really loved each other they could overcome the obstacles, the book left absolutely no hope of this. I found it utterly heart breaking and could think and talk of little else for a couple of days.

I actually became quite angry how could the author be so heartless? How could she do it to them and more importantly to me? What had happened to her that made her so cruel?

It was then I decided that if I ever wrote a romance novel it would definitely have a happy ending. After all if our escapes from the drugged of life leaves us a sobbing mess what kind of escape is that, or positive message.

I may not believe that I will end up with a billionaire sex God but I do believe that love conquers all and that with the right partner by your side you can get through anything. In many aspects I am very negative and skeptical but matters of the heart I am ever the optimist. I realised I am unwilling to give up that hope and belief. If a romantic heroine doesn't get her happily ever after what hope is there for us.

Lastly I would like to say for the record that I am not saying to have a happy ending you have to have a man/husband, in fact many happy endings can come in many forms but I would like to think that there is a happy ending for everyone.

TMI Tag

I have seen a few of these tag videos on YouTube most recently from leighannsays and thought it looked like fun, so here are my answers.

1: What are you wearing?

It's currently 10pm so I am sporting some rather fetching Thumper pj's from Primark.

2: Ever been in love?

Yes

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?

Yes - from both sides, had my heart broken and broke up with someone who didn't handle it very well.

4: How tall are you?

I am not 100% sure but I think I am around 5 foot 4.

5: How much do you weigh?

At my last Slimming World weigh I was 9 stone 6.5lbs.

6: Any tattoos?

Nope and can safely say I will never have any either, I am not against them but I am just too fickle.

7: Any piercings?

Only my ears and only the one in each ear, although I have had them pierced twice.

8: OTP?

I am so uncool I don't even know what that means!

9: Favourite show?

Probably the early series of The Big Bang Theory, but this season has been awful. I have been loving Brooklyn 99 - has anyone else been watching that?

10: Favourite bands?

Erm can't think of any current bands or cool ones, the last band I saw live was Elbow but that wasn't through choice. I really want to say Five - there I said it.

11: Something you miss? 

Being carefree, being an adult is not what I expected.

12: Favourite song?

At the moment Say Something, but can't think of my all time favourite one.

13: How old are you?

29

14: Zodiac sign?

Pieces  

15: Quality you look for in a partner?

Honesty and being able to cook

16: Favourite Quote?

I have a lot, but the one that has stuck with me is, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

17: Favourite actor?

Christian Bale, no big surprise if you follow me on Pinterest.

18: Favourite colour?

Purple

19: Loud music or soft?

I like my music loud and others soft. I hate hearing other people's music.

20: Where do you go when you're sad?

In my own little world.

21: How long does it take you to shower?

Too long according to anyone who has ever lived with me - 15-20 minutes.

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

About an hour and a quarter 

23: Ever been in a physical fight?

Only with my sisters

24: Turn on?

A confident man in a suit aka Bruce Wayne

25: Turn off?

Skinny men

26: The reason I joined Youtube?

Erm I am not on YouTube but started blogging as I love reading blogs and thought it would be nice to have a piece of the internet for myself.

27: Fears?

Everything, I suffer from anxiety at the moment so my main one is that I will be stuck with it for life.

28: Last thing that made you cry?

Oh God I cry all the time, anything and everything makes me cry, so I can't really remember.

29: Last time you said you loved someone?

Via an email to my Dad tonight.

30: Meaning behind your Youtube Name?

My blog name is a nickname I got when I was at high school.

31: Last book you read?

Was a Mills and Boon - I know I said I would quit them but I can't help myself.

32: The book you're currently reading?

Be Awesome by Hadley Freeman which is great and would recommend.

33: Last show you watched?

New Girl

34: Last person you talked to?

Ross my boyfriend

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

Hannah my best friend

36: Favourite food?

Meat

37: Place you want to visit?

New York

38: Last place you were?

The last trip I went on was to Cromer.

39: Do you have a crush?

Is the Pope Catholic - I have a massive crush on Christian Bale. 

40: Last time you kissed someone?

This evening

41: Last time you were insulted?

Today by a colleague I am sure it was in jest, but I didn't find it very funny.

42: Favourite flavour of sweet?

I love Maynards Wine Gums.

43: What instruments do you play??

None I did start the piano but that was decades ago.

44: Favourite piece of jewellery?

My ring Ross got me for my 25th, have never taken it off.

45: Last sport you played?

Volleyball years ago

46: Last song you sang?

Say Something

47: Favourite chat up line?

I don't have a favourite one

48: Have you ever used it?

I have never tried to chat anyone up, I can't imagine it would be a good idea.

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?

I hang out with my boyfriend all the time does that count?

50: Who should answer these questions next?

Whoever wants to

Has anyone else done this tag?

Where have I been?

Long time no see, as you may have noticed I haven't been blogging or posting anything for a while. I wasn't going to explain why not, after all it's no one business and no one was probably that worried. That said I decided to write this little post as an explanation.

It's not a secret that I have been studying towards my AAT Level 4 which takes a large chunk of my time. I had an exam in March and one in the beginning of July, hopefully that is it now unless I fail my last one. Please people keep your fingers crossed that I haven't. I tend to get very stressed before an exam ever spare moment is spent practising questions or re writing my notes for the 100th time.

Earlier in the year my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and rapidly declined. Spending time with my family obviously became more important. She sadly passed away the week before my birthday and two weeks before my exam. My exam didn't seem that important and I spent as much time with my dad as I could. I debated about postponing my exam but decided to give it a bash and see what happened, luckily and surprisingly I passed.

Whilst this was all going on I still managed to post semi regularly but I found it had become another added pressure. I was trying to see my dad, study, blog and work full time. I was getting stressed out about not using something before I had taken photo's, trying to remember what I needed to post before it joined the empties pile - which was rapidly growing. I had bought and received stuff for my birthday which I wouldn't let myself use til I hauled.

Basically it was all getting a bit silly so I decided that is it I am done with blogging. I threw out all my empties, deleted all my drafts and most of my photos, and started using all the new products.

At first it was a relief but I started to miss posting, I still kept reading blogs and watching videos, and found some really good and not so good products. I have also been struggling with anxiety and have found it hard to find people who I know who are going through similar things.

I don't really know what will happen this little old blog, I started collected empties again a few month ago, many are mini's which I used up quite a while ago and not sure I can really give an in-depth review, but I might do a mini series none the less. I have also thought about writing about my anxiety, and just generally more personal stuff.

I guess this is actually just a post to say I have had a rough couple of months and my blog might change a bit. I hope you guys are all well and if there is anything you would like to see more of let me know.

Random Ramblings #2

Today I just felt like just chatting as I found out yesterday that I past my latest exam! To say I am relieved is a massive understatement. I have honestly never been so stressed about anything. I have shed many tears since starting in September and nearly given up so many times, but I found out that not only did I pass but I also exceeded the standard required on 6 out of the 8 tasks.

I have always known I have lacked confidence but sometimes it is almost crippling, I have such a fear of failing but I guess my biggest fear is being one of those over confident deluded people. I would hate to go around thinking I am the bees knees only to be proven wrong. Maybe now I have passed two exams I will start to believe in myself more, but somehow I can't see that happening.

Anyway in beauty news to celebrate passing my exam I bought myself a little treat. The Essie Summer 2013 Mini Collection. I am sure you have all seen it by now but expect some nail posts soon. I had really been trying not to buy anymore polish until I culled my collection but the set was on offer in Boots so couldn't resist. If you have had your eye on the collection it's now £9.99 from boots.com.

My boyfriend also treated me to a Rimmel Apocalips Lip Laquer in Celestial which I have been eyeing up for ages. I will let you know how I get on but I have high hopes. Whilst I am rambling don't you hate those massive security stickers supermarkets put on makeup. There is one on my Apocalips which I cannot for the life of me get rid of.

Also as a celebration me and boyfriend are going to our favourite restaurant in Norwich, Middletons Steak House and Grill. It does as the name suggests the best steaks as massive meat eaters (sorry to all vegetarians and vegans) we love it. If you live in Norwich or ever come to visit I would definitely recommend it. They have a website if you want to check out their menus middletons-shg.co.uk.

I have done other stuff then celebrate but that isn't really interesting. I have seriously got back into Pinterest. I especially love reading beauty blogs and then pinning all the products I want. Come Christmas my list is going to be a mile long.  Top of my current list is the 
Paul & Joe makeup bag featured on viviannadoesmakeup.com, Clinique Take The Day Off Cleansing Balm thanks to Caroline Hirons here and a long term lust which has turned into a must have is Urban Decay's Naked 2 Palette fueled by missbudgetbeauty.co.uk.

Oh in case you wondered I decided to keep the two tops from Warehouse from my latest ASOS haul - full post here. I just didn't feel comfortable in the Hilfiger t-shirt so guessed it is a complete waste of money to keep it. The Warehouse top that I was unsure of I kept and actually think I may have shrunk fractionally in the wash, so the issue with seeing my bra has fixed itself, result.

Oh and lastly I just wanted to thank you for reading my blog, I love my blog and to be honest really write it for me. I know I will never make a career out of writing but love to do it. Also love having a place where I feel I can share what I want. Not all my friends are obsessed with beauty blogs and one doesn't even know what a BB cream is - how I am not sure. But I love that I can bang on about how much I want a makeup bag, a cleansing balm and feel others will understand as opposed to thinking I am crazy. So thank you for spending time reading my beloved little blog.

Random Ramblings #1

Just wanted to do a quick post on what has been happening recently as my blog has taken a serious back seat this month! I wish I had something exciting and amazing to tell you but unfortunately I don't, what has happened well life I guess!

I had a great Easter of relaxing before I wanted to start my serious revision for my next exam the biggie Financial Statements which is apparently the hardest module in my course eek! 

Since Easter however I have not been well, I have had a terrible cold. I lost my sense of smell for well over a week and at some point my boyfriend couldn't bear to be in the same room as me. I could hardly breathe and he couldn't hear the tv over my heavy breathing. I have honestly never had a cold like it, I was bed bound for two days, just putting clothes in the washing machine exhausted me.

After finally feeling more human and thinking the the worst of the cold was done I then had terrible earache. I was in so much pain so started taking decongestants like they were going out of fashion, as this was the only thing that stopped my earache. Unfortunately I don't think my stomach appreciated it and there were two days of feeling seriously nauseous and vomiting, nice eh.

That was a couple of weeks ago now but I am still now back to normal, my right ear constantly feels like I have been swimming and I have developed a manky rash on my hand. I haven't been to the doctors as to be honest whenever I go they always diagnose stress or a viral infection.

Talking of stress I have also had one of the most stressful months ever thanks to my ever so helpful bank. I am not going to say exactly what happened as frankly I have written it out so many times to said bank that the thought of even thinking about it brings me out in cold sweat. But thanks to them have had no money this month, literally not a penny. I had to borrow money from  my dad and boyfriend, and also use all my Christmas and birthday money I had saved up, just get back into my overdraft. After ringing my bank, emailing them, tweeting them, going into branch and writing a formal complaint my bank have done absolutely nothing to rectify their error and the best bit is I have incurred loads of charges thanks to their absolutely appalling customer service.  

I am now in the process of looking for another bank and think I am going to with First Direct as they are offering £125 to switch which would go some way into replacing my birthday and Christmas money. 

As I said earlier my next exam is coming up at the beginning of June so some serious revision is being started so not sure whether May will have any more post, but I will try.

Sorry for the random rambling but just wanted to explain my absence.

If anyone has any revision tips or recommendations for a new bank please let me know.